


Every You, Every Me

by OmahaWilde



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Angst, Family, Future, Jonnor Smut, M/M, Metaphysics, Psychology, Teen Romance, Therapy, Time - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-07 09:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5452262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmahaWilde/pseuds/OmahaWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Human consciousness has existed for a tiny point in the macrocosm of the universe. Love, however, spans beyond this tiny point. Even the most educated, intellectual people sometimes need to look outside of their framework to truly grasp the incredible dominion where love exists.</p><p>Despite his background, Connor is beginning to realize that events for which we cannot account sometimes cut across the usually predictable and explainable province where humans exist. </p><p>Together, Connor and some new characters will discover that love obeys no physical laws. It makes its own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There is a Light That Never Goes Out

**16 September, 2064, 8:15 AM, La Jolla, San Diego, California**

_Eventually, if you get old enough, you acquiesce to the routine of daily life._

When someone lives a good life, they learn to savor every moment. They take pleasure in the memories they’ve built up throughout their life. They gain a sense of fulfillment from the lessons life has taught them, which in turn makes aging worthwhile.

Having recently turned sixty-four, Connor was looking forward to the slowdown in his career. In a few years, he was planning to be able to work only a few days per week, leaving more time to spend with his family.

Today is a Tuesday. In southern California though, the hot, late summer days blend together. The lack of easily discernible seasons makes it hard for many people to keep a sense of time.

Connor, on the other hand, knew it was a Tuesday.

Reaching his office a bit earlier than normal, Connor decided to get some paperwork out of the way. His office staff had not arrived yet, so he picked up his computer tablet to look through today’s schedule.

  * 9:00 AM to 10:00 AM - Therapy session with Jennifer Morrow
  * 10:30 AM to 12:30 AM - Lecture luncheon at the Briar House
  * 1:30 PM to 2:30 PM - New patient appointment, David Ellis
  * 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM - Therapy session with Michael Gossimer
  * 5:00 PM - Meeting with Cole



Connor smiled after noticing the new patient appointment. After practicing psychology for 36 years, he still felt a sense of gratification every time a new patient entered the practice. He knew that it was another opportunity to improve someone’s life - the reason Connor became a psychologist in the first place.

As he always liked to keep abreast of new patients, Connor decided to look through David’s file on the tablet.

Connor specialized in treating anxiety, social behavior and marriage counseling issues with LGBT individuals and their families. David’s file showed him to be a very typical patient in that manner. He had been referred to Connor through a middle school counselor at the request of his parents. His past looked to be rather rough - littered with treatments for various social issues ranging from being bullied to mutism. His parents asked his school about professional assistance for dealing with social issues related to his recent decision to come out as gay at school.

Nothing in particular stood out in Connor’s eyes. David was in every way a typical patient.

Except for his date of birth: 4 July, 2051.

Connor nearly slipped out of his desk chair. He steadied himself a bit, and grabbed his coffee mug to calm himself with a sip of the warm liquid.

David’s birthday wasn’t extraordinary to Connor for the same reasons most people would expect. Of course the Independence Day, “born on the fourth of July” maxim would ring in the ears of most Americans.

To Connor, there was another connection. More emotional than patriotic or traditional.

That day, just over thirteen years ago was the day that immediately followed the worst day of Connor’s life.

All of the professional education, training and experience could not have prepared Connor to introduce a patient into his practice who was born the day after…

* * *

**10:12 AM**

Connor’s first appointment passed very quickly. His usual attentive, conscientious demeanor was a bit absent - something even Jennifer, his patient had observed.

“Doctor, are you alright this morning? You seem a bit, should I say, detached?”

“Thanks for noticing, Jennifer. You are a very empathetic young woman,” Connor smiled.

“It’s alright, Doctor. We’ve all been under a lot of stress around here lately.”

The situation to which Jennifer refered was on the front of every newspaper in the country for the last week - a recent declaration of a partial evacuation of Southern California. After decades of crippling drought, even with the shrinking population of the region, the authorities were unable to provide enough clean water for everyone. Many families were being paid by the government to relocate to areas east of the Rocky Mountains where climate change had not begun to affect the availability of water.

“I’m not sure if my mother has told you or not, but my grandparents’ farm near Escondido is closing down next week. We don’t plan to move anytime soon, but if water prices keep going up…”

“I’m sorry to hear that Jennifer. I still think, even with all that is happening around here, you will have a bright future in California. We’ll need people with your scientific skills. Are you still planning to attend CalTech to study environmental engineering?”

“Unless things get even worse, I still plan to stay around through my schooling. Speaking of which, I need to leave right away to make an appointment with my guidance counselor.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Take care and I’ll see you at next week’s appointment.”

Yet, with such a heavy subject on Connor’s mind, it did not compare to the shock he received this morning. He began to become irritated with himself, not being able to shake the dark thoughts in his mind.

“You need to move on. You have a new patient this afternoon who deserves a blank slate with his new doctor. You have to do this. Get with it Stevens.”

* * *

**11:28 AM**

“The Briar House would like to welcome today’s featured speaker, Doctor Connor Stevens Adams-Foster. Connor started a practice in La Jolla nearly 25 years ago. He attended the University of California, San Diego, graduating with a master’s degree in secondary education. He went on to attend the University of Nevada, Las Vegas medical school, receiving his doctorate in psychology in 2028. Please welcome our distinguished speaker.”

The small audience gave a warm welcoming applause to the presenter’s announcement.

Connor stood up from his table near the window and walked to the lectern. He carried his notes with him on his tablet, absent mindedly dropping it onto the angled surface with a sharp thud. The microphone picked up the noise and amplified it, startling the audience.

“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I didn’t mean to alarm you. It’s a good thing these devices are indestructible these days.”

The audience gave a polite laugh.

“I’m here today, as you know, to speak about social issues pertaining to the disappearance of heteronormative aphorisms in institutional environments.”

* * *

**1:24 PM**

The perceived pace of the lecture followed the same intrepidity of his morning appointment. It must be a Tuesday, the time always flies on Tuesdays.

Usually, Connor liked to be a few minutes early for new patients as it sets a good example and basis for expected punctuality between doctor and patient.

However, today, Connor needed to approach his new patient in a different manner. His internal emotional restraints were beginning to fortify themselves against the morning’s shock, until his phone rang.

“Hey dad. Are we still on for tonight?”

Cole, Connor’s son of thirty-two years old - who would be gaining a year’s age in two days - was truly a “chip off the old block” that was Connor.

Cole was athletic, good looking and highly educated. He recently graduated from a psychology doctorate program as well, and was looking forward to joining his father in his practice soon.

“Of course, Cole. We have a lot to plan, and I really hope you’re as excited as I am.”

“You know you don’t have to keep asking that, dad.”

“Yeah, I know. I think it’s kind of been our dream for a while now.”

Cole didn’t speak for a couple of seconds. “Dad would have loved to see what we’re about to do.”

Connor’s emotional bastions began to crumble once again.

After a noticeable pause, Connor spoke, with a sentimental tongue, “Yes, he would have. Look, I have to go, I have an appointment with a new patient here in a few.”

“Okay, dad. Let’s talk about where to meet sometime around 5-ish?”

“Sounds good.”

* * *

  **1:32 PM**

“Doctor, the new patient is waiting in your office. I need to run a couple of errands. Will you be alright without me for the rest of the afternoon,” said Susan, his overly attentive, yet easy-to-work-with office manager.

“Not a problem with me. I’ll call you if I need anything.”

Game time. Putting on a kind, yet professional face, Connor quickly picked up his tablet and opened the door to his office.

Sitting on the couch across from the picture window was his new patient, David.

He looked like your average thirteen year old. Casual clothing, still trying to find his personal style. Skinny arms and legs, nature taking its time filling out his frame. David’s dark hair sat tufted upon his head, reminding Connor of hairdos that were common when he was David’s age.

“Hello, David. I’m Dr. Stevens Adams-Foster, but I do prefer it if my patients call me Connor.”

David looked at Connor with a warm, silent expression. Deep, dark brown eyes, looking around the office.

“You know that you don’t have to say anything today. Don’t feel any pressure. If you want to communicate with me, you can use whatever method you’d like.”

A small smile poked up from one corner of David’s mouth. Connor knew his first attempt at reaching David had obviously been a success. The groundwork was being laid for a successful treatment.

“I’ve worked with many people who can’t verbally express themselves all of the time. It’s kind of a specialty with my practice. I saw on your records that your parents are concerned that you haven’t spoken for three days now.”

David looked at Connor with an anxious expression. His brow began to furrow.

“Don’t think that you’re in my office because of something bad that you’ve done. You have no need to feel lousy about yourself when you’re in my office. This is a safe place, and anything you tell me, either verbally or otherwise stays between us.”

David’s expression eased a bit.

“You know, David, when I was your age, I had a friend who didn’t speak for a whole week.”

David pulled his legs up under himself, looking like he was getting ready to listen to a story around a campfire. Connor knew that his approach was working.

“It’s true. You know, there’s usually a reason things like this happen. Some people who have a hard time verbally communicating with others had a past trauma, like a death in the family, or abuse.”

David shook his head. It was obvious to Connor that this was not a deep-seated psychological issue.

“It’s good to know that you didn’t have any of those situations, David.”

“Are you having problems at school?”

David sat motionless, his expression froze completely.

“The reason I ask is that a lot of LGBT students, even today find it difficult when they first articulate their sexual orientation to friends and family.”

David nodded with a slow, telling motion.

“When I came out to my father, about 50 years ago, things were much different. I didn’t have much of a support system to rely upon, except for my boyfriend and his family. Do you have a friend, or friends that you feel comfortable talking with about being gay?”

Again, David nodded in the same fashion.

“It’s good that you’ve identified people who can morally support you. I still, to this day rely upon friends to help me get through life, and I’m glad that you’ve made that effort. It will help you make your transitions through the stages of life much easier.”

David smiled while looking away from Connor, gazing towards the floor. His body language made it obvious that he was thinking about someone - perhaps the one who had reached out to help him. David’s mind was obviously in another place at this moment.

Connor had seen this same expression before.

These same dark eyes. The upturned corner of his mouth when he smiled.

The inability to vocalize his thoughts.

His sentiment about David wasn’t being triggered by his professional experience, but rather his past. Connor was sure how he was reading David’s psyche wasn’t written in any textbook.

“David, I think we’ve made good progress here today. I’d like to talk with your parents and see if you can stop by three times per week for a while.”

David nodded with the clear, unmistakable movement that felt as though he was crying out for relief. He got up and walked to the office door. As he began to turn the knob, he looked at Connor, raised his bottom lip a bit, and smiled. His eyes squinted a bit and then relaxed. He left the office and walked out to his mother’s car.

Connor knew, when he looked at the troubled consciousness of his new patient, something was… different. Something… nostalgic, perhaps.

He didn’t believe in serendipitous moments. The universe wasn’t that organized towards feeding our emotions. That big ball of electrochemicals sitting on top of his body wasn’t influenced in the slightest by anything outside of his limits of control.

Routine was out the window, although today was a Tuesday. Obviously a Tuesday. Connor was pretty sure.

**  
“Get with it Stevens.”**


	2. And is it Really So Strange?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is fluff here. I swear :)

**16 September, 2064, 5:43 PM**

“So what I think would work best is if you think about sitting in on some of my sessions a few days per week,” Connor said. Cole’s eyes brightened.

“You think that’s okay though? How would your patients feel about me just showing up during the sessions?”

“Well,” Connor said, “I think we’d only do it with the consent of each patient. And believe me, there are many I wouldn’t even consider asking.”

“I completely understand, dad.”

“I think we could start with some of the easier cases, you know, like small behavioral issues. Since you don’t have much of a background with GLBT patients, I won’t ask you to observe those sessions.”

Cole thought for a second before giving his assessment of Connor’s plan.

“I know you don’t think that I’m prepared for the task of dealing with LGBT patients, dad, but remember, I did grow up with two dads.”

“True. But some of these issues, unless you experienced them personally, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable, professionally, with you interacting with the patients,” Connor said.

“Just because I have a wife and a daughter doesn’t mean I’m not sensitive to these topics you know.”

“Cole, it’s really not up for discussion I’m afraid. Let’s start small, with subjects you’re professionally trained with before we even think about moving into more difficult areas.”

“Okay. I understand,” Cole said.

“Dad always said that you wanted to keep me from knowing about the bad things that you and him experienced growing up...”

“Cole, don’t,” Connor interrupted.

“No, hear me out, please. You don’t have to protect me. I’ve worked rotations in prisons and mental hospitals. I’ve seen the worst of the worst you know.”

Connor sat silent for a moment, knowing he should assemble his next sentence carefully.

“The world is a different place than it was fifty years ago. Especially for LGBT people. But unless you’re born that way, it’s hard to understand where I’m coming from. Society may be more accepting of us as a whole, but interpersonal relationships with friends and family are still complex issues for our clients.”

“You’re right. I know without seeing the world through your eyes, it’s impossible to feel the way you do. But, remember, you and dad both…”

“Stop talking about Jude for a while. Please,” Connor butted in.

“What’s eating you today dad? You seem, to be frank, spooked.”

* * *

 

**6 April, 2023, 6:58 PM, Red Rock Canyon National Park, Nevada - About 20 miles west of Las Vegas**

The sun was getting lower on the horizon. Jude began to shiver.

“Wake up, Connor,” Jude whispered as he nudged his boyfriend. “Let’s head back sometime soon. I’m freezing.”

“Ungh,” Connor managed. “How long have I been asleep?”

“About a half hour or so,” Jude said, sitting up, resting on his elbows.

Connor could feel Jude shaking. His slight frame could never hold body heat very well.

Connor pulled his sweatshirt off over his head. He looked towards Jude, said, “arms up”, and in one swift motion, pulled the too-large hoodie over his favorite person.

Still feeling the sleepiness, and wanting to spend as much time close to Jude as he could, he curled up on the blanket, spooning him.

They laid for a while, feeling each other’s body heat move back and forth between them. Connor took the occasional whiff of Jude’s hair, eventually just turning his face down into the top of Jude’s head.

Jude moved his legs to rub against Connor’s. The friction of the denim rubbing on denim warmed him a bit.

The stars were beginning to poke out from the navy blue canvas above their heads; the night hunters getting their signal to begin their work. A coyote howled a few miles away.

“Why did you want to drive all the way out here? Don’t you have class tomorrow morning,” Jude asked.

“Do I need an excuse to want to spend some time and cuddle up with my person in a beautiful place like this?”

“I’m missing work too, you know,” Jude said.

“You said that Puddy would cover for you, right? Besides, you need to get away from that awful place more often.”

“Hah. That is right.”

Jude turned over to face Connor. He looked him in his eyes, Connor obviously still a bit sleepy. He looked content, smiling, his honey-tinted irises twinkling with what bit of light was streaming from the nearly vanished sunset.

“Why don’t you go grab the Thermos from the Jeep,” Connor said. “I think we could both use some cocoa.”

Jude pecked a small kiss on Connor’s lips, and slowly separated his body from Connor’s embrace. He walked over to the Jeep, grabbed the Thermos and sat down next to Connor.

“You go ahead first, you seem like you’re still shivering a bit,” Connor said, with an obvious tone of a nurturing boyfriend.

“Yes, maam,” Jude groaned.

He unscrewed the cup from the top of the Thermos, and realized there was something stuck inside.

Connor began to snicker a bit, under his breath.

“What is this,” Jude asked, as he began to identify the dark object with what little light was still available.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Connor smirked.

About the same time, Jude realized that it was obviously a velvet ring box, and his mouth dropped open.

“Connor Stevens, is this what I think it is,” he quickly blurted out.

“You’re the brains of the operation, you figure it out,” Connor jokingly said as he gently took the box from Jude’s hands, a huge smile plastered on his face.

As Jude sat astonished at what was unfolding in front of him, Connor plucked the simple golden band from inside the box and placed it between his forefinger and thumb.

“Jude. You probably knew this was coming for some time now,” Connor said as he looked into Jude’s eyes.

All of a sudden Connor’s smile turned into a serious, intimate gaze.

“I’m sure you remember the first time I visited your house,” Connor said as Jude slightly nodded.

“You had hardly any possessions. You didn’t share most of the interests as other boys I knew. Your personality was worn on your sleeves. You were easier to read than a ‘Run spot, run!’ book.”

“Your favorite kind of book,” Jude chortled a bit. A tear began to run down his cheek. The look Connor flashed him was the same as when Jude had chided him about marginalizing the “cupcake delivery girl”.

Connor continued: “I knew from that afternoon that you were special. It took me a few months to realize that the warmness I felt from your presence was more than friendship,” Connor professed.

Jude’s single tear dripped onto Connor’s arm. He reached up with his left hand and cupped Jude’s face.  

“I think about you every night as I fall asleep. You’re the first thought I have when I wake in the morning.”

“When you’re not around me, I clearly see your dark brown eyes, looking into my soul. Your mouth smiling with that turned up corner, telling me you’ll be near me again soon.”

Connor looked up at Jude and then closed his eyes for a moment while he worked up a bit of courage.

“Jude, tell me that you’ll want to be with me forever. I want to build a life with you and make you happy. I want to…”

Connor was silenced by a pair of warm lips against his mouth, telling him, without words, what he needed to know. He finally opened his eyes.

Jude always knew how to take control of a conversation, and he was a master of speechless dialogue.

Just to make sure there was no confusion, Jude pulled away after a few seconds, looked at Connor with happy, squinted eyes and said, “Yes. Of course. I will. Put a ring on it, Stevens.”

Connor, laughed for a second, reached out, softly clasped Jude’s hand and slid the band over his ring finger.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a bit of fluff here and there. Not sure how far I want to take this yet. The overarching story is about love, and obviously needs a bit of fluff to sustain that :)


	3. I Just Want to See the Boy Happy

**16 September, 2064, 5:47 PM**

Connor, feeling ashamed, dropped his head into his hands and let out a small groan.

Cole was sitting directly across from him, his arms folded back, hands resting on the top of his head. It was easy to see that he was concerned about his father.

“Dad?”

Connor took a long, deep breath, and raised his head again. His eyes trained directly onto the wedding band on Cole’s ring finger, triggering the mental image of the chilly night he proposed to Jude in the Nevada desert.

“I’m sorry, Cole. It’s just been a very awkward day.”

Cole looked at Connor with a confused gaze.

Finally, Connor said, “I’ve been thinking about your dad a lot today.”

“This morning, I had a new patient...”

“Yes - you told me about that earlier,” Cole said matter-of-factly.

“Cole, honey, let me explain,” Connor held his breath for a second.

“When I saw the new patient’s birthday, it sort of triggered a wave of emotion.”

“It’s alright, dad. You know you can talk to me about it. What was the problem?”

Connor let out a long sigh. “July 4, 2051.”

Cole stared at his dad with eyes full of sorrow.

“Dad. I had no idea,” Cole said as he reached out to hold his father’s hand.

“It shouldn’t really bother me that much - I mean thirteen years has past, but some things…”

“I can understand why it does affect you like this, dad. Grandma always said that from the moment you two first met…”

“Yeah, I know. She saw it right away. Your dad had this way of looking at me; let’s just say that it made it obvious to everyone how he felt about me.”

“Want to know something strange?” Connor asked. “The new patient, well,” he stuttered.

“Dad?”

“I really shouldn’t be talking about this with you yet. Maybe someday soon, when you’re a part of the practice.”

“Are you sure? You seem pretty shaken up. Is it just his coincidental birthday that’s causing you this pain?”

“No. No it’s not just his birthday.”

* * *

 

**15 December, 2017, 3:49 PM, Adams-Foster House, San Diego**

“Come in, Connor,” Stef said as she answered the front door. “But you know you don’t have to ring here. You’re family.”

“Yeah, I know. I just… since Jude is being silent… and all. I wanted to be cautious.”

“I know love,” Stef whispered. “He’s out in the back yard reading right now. He seems to be doing better, but you know how hard it can be for him to break through when he’s like this.”

“Yes. I know.” Connor made his way through the kitchen and peeked his head out of the back door.

Jude was sitting sprawled out on a lawn chair, legs out in front, with a book covering his face. Connor knows he must have heard him come into the yard.

He sits down on the end of the lawn chair and gently puts his hand on Jude’s ankle.

“Hey.”

Jude pauses for a moment, and lowers the book so Connor can see his eyes peek out over the top.

“Glad to be done with school for Christmas break?” Connor asked.

Jude, very slightly, nodded his head, and pulled the book back up over his eyes.

“Look, Jude,” Connor said as he grabbed for the top of the book. Jude saw Connor’s hand coming and pulled the book down into his lap before Connor could reach it.

“I know you’re upset,” Connor whispered. Looking directly into Connor’s eyes, Jude shook his head, trying to express his observation that they weren’t on the same page.

“Okay. So I can’t get into your brain and feel what you feel. But I know you - better than anyone else I’ve ever met. And I know you’re having a hard time right now.”

“So you’re not upset at me, but… you don’t want to lose me again.”

At the utterance of those words, Jude’s stare turned into a wince. He turned to look away from Connor, his eyes looking back to the house.

The year they spent apart while Connor lived in Los Angeles with his mother - the thought of having his love abstracted away from his reach again...

“Just because I might be going to college in San Francisco doesn’t mean we won’t be together you know. You haven’t made your choice yet. And I don’t know that I’ll be going to USF for sure anyways. It’s a nice scholarship, but if it means we won’t be together…”

Jude turned back to face Connor again. Tears were streaming down his face. He grabbed Connor’s hand that was on his ankle and held it tightly between his own hands. He moved to one side of the chair, indicating that Connor should sit next to him.

Connor didn’t need another hint. He instinctively knew this is how Jude wanted to communicate with him right now. He laid down on his side, next to Jude’s body and stared into his tear-filled dark eyes. Jude’s eyes were always very deep, but the tears accentuated the effect, making his gaze seem - like something Connor couldn’t articulate.

Stef poked her head out of the back door. “Jude, love, I need to run a few errands. I’ll be back in a while and maybe you and Connor and I can get some dinner, okay?” It was obvious she was trying to coax some dialogue from Jude.

“I think he’d like that,” Connor vouched for Jude, who in return produced a small grin.

“See you in a little bit, you two,” Steph said as she turned around.

Connor reached over to Jude’s face and started to wipe the tears with his thumb, one by one.

Before Connor could finish, Jude grabbed his boyfriend’s thumb and held it to his lips. The gesture caught Connor a bit by surprise.

Connor leaned in towards Jude, pressing into his slender body. They laid in that position, Jude feeling the texture of Connor’s thumb with his soft lips, staring at each other with a needy gaze.

Suddenly, Jude sat up from his laying position. Still holding onto Connor’s thumb, he led him up from the chair, and ushered him back into the house.

He looked around to make sure Stef had left, and pulled Connor up the stairs.

By this phase of their relationship, their physical connection had progressed to a point where an impediment, like Jude’s recent silence, didn’t obstruct the flood of messages between the two. The body language between Connor and Jude was instinctive, passionate and raw.

Jude drug Connor into his bedroom and turned around to face him. He pushed the door shut over Connor’s shoulder and leaned into the shorter boy, grabbing his face while they both fell into the door.

While they were still catching their balance, Jude mashed his lips up against Connor’s.

Connor responded by opening his mouth and sucking Jude’s lower lip into his mouth. Jude pushed his tongue into Connor’s mouth, and he responded with his usual whimper.

This is the noise that Jude would eventually refer to as “Connor’s needy moan”. Connor, on the other hand knew what this utterance did to Jude’s momentary judgement, and had learned to use it to his advantage.

Unsurprisingly to Connor, Jude, hearing the moan, pulled him off of the door and guided them to the floor, straddling his boyfriend. He pulled his hoodie off, throwing it to the corner of the room and laid down on his elbows, pinning Connor to the floor. Connor now had his arms wrapped around his boyfriend and… then the grinding started.

“Jude… I…”

Connor knew well enough which particular trail Jude was leading them down. Only he wasn’t walking, he was running, full sprint.

Jude sat up and reached down to unbutton Connor’s fly.

Connor lifted his back off the floor, and Jude slid his boyfriend’s jeans and briefs down - all in one motion.

Jude leaned down towards Connor, holding his lover’s face between his hands, pulling him into a deep kiss.

He removed his right hand from Connor’s face and picked up his hardness in his hand. Still engaged in the kiss, he began to slowly move his hand up and down, eliciting a pleasurable moan from Connor.

“Hold on, babe. Let… me…”

Connor let go of his embrace, starting to remove Jude’s jeans and boxers.

Jude stood up, finished the task, and sat back down on Connor’s bare legs.

There they sat, on the floor, wearing only t-shirts, Jude straddling Connor.

Jude once again reaches for Connor’s penis, which was now beginning to leak quite a bit of pre-cum. He places his own erection up against Connor’s and begins to stroke them together, the wetness from Connor providing a little lubrication.

Connor sits up on one elbow, using his other arm to draw Jude into a kiss. He moans into Jude’s mouth as the two warm, wet erections began to slide along the length of the other, Jude’s hand providing a guiding tunnel.

“Keep going… love... it,” Connor utters. Jude can tell his corporal ministrations are beginning to provoke strong sensations from deep within Connor.

Jude can begin to feel it as well. He lets a small, uncontrolled squeak loose from the top of his throat, his lips taut. Connor barely hears the whimper and opens his eyes wide to watch Jude begin to orgasm, wondering if Jude is aware that Connor heard his vocalization.

Connor watches Jude’s body start to enter the sequenced state of rhythmic muscle contractions that he knows so well. As always, Jude’s legs begin to shake, his head falls back and he starts to breathe in a pant, gasping for air.

Connor knows what’s coming next, and anticipates Jude’s next move, leaning his head slightly to one side giving him access to bury his face into the side of Connor’s neck.

Jude’s short, panting breaths turn into long, labored huffs as his mouth opens against Connor’s neck, his teeth rubbing against the skin while searching for purchase. Connor feels the warm, wet sensation over his stomach, recognizing that Jude has come.

But Jude doesn’t stop stroking the slick, erect penises in his hand. He knows that he won’t be able to take much more of this sensation so soon after orgasm, but even in this state, he feels a need to satisfy Connor’s yearning.

The slickness of Jude’s semen, along with the warmth that has built up sends Connor straight to the edge. As Jude continues to breathe deeply into Connor’s neck, still recovering from the labor of his orgasm, Connor’s chin leans over Jude’s shoulder and begins to dig into the back of his neck. Connor wraps his arms around Jude’s shoulders and holds on tight.

Suddenly, Jude can feel the itchy stubble from Connor’s chin pressing deep into his skin. Connor begins to tremble, and Jude picks up the pace of his stroking.

“Oh fuck… Jude. Don’t stop,” Connor bleats.

The complete words that Connor has been able to say, up to this point, have now changed into throaty growls, directing Jude with a vocabulary that is familiar between the two lovers.

Connor feels the runaway train gaining momentum deep in his pelvis and knows he has lost control from this point forward.

Jude, by this time, is nearing the absolute limit of post-orgasm polishing that a penis can receive. Still erect, Jude’s warmth and hardness is adding to the stimulation Connor is receiving. He’s praying that Connor lets loose before he can no longer continue.

A few strokes later, and Jude knows his determination is beginning to be rewarded. Connor suddenly tightens his hold on Jude’s shoulders, and at the same time his penis swells... so much that Jude worries about Connor feeling pain from the tightening of the flesh.

It’s obvious from the moment where Connor regains his verbal control, and begins repeatedly cursing, “fuck yeah,” that he is only experiencing euphoria. Now, the top of Jude’s hand is being coated in a cozy, sticky ejaculation, the rhythmic pumping of Connor’s internal equipment lasting for nearly half a minute.

Both lovers are now out of breath, holding each other - Connor with his arms around Jude, while his boyfriend holds both of their slick hard-ons. The pile of warm, sweaty bodies, partially covered with runny semen sits in the middle of Jude’s bedroom floor, heaving with deep breaths as they regain their equilibrium.

Connor loosens his hold on Jude’s shoulders and sits upright, while Jude leans backward, hands positioned behind him, flat on the floor, his chin resting on his chest.

After a fleeting respite, Jude begins to get up off the floor. Connor, reaches forward and lifts up Jude’s chin while leaning in to deliver a sultry, forehead-to-forehead leveraged, bottom lip sucking kiss.

“I love you… more than anything. More than any scholarship. I want to make sure you know that.”

Jude lowered his chin a bit, as though he was searching for that brave part of his spirit - the element that would let him break his silence and reassure his lover.

His bottom lip twitched for a second, and Connor watched with bated breath as his lips parted, and then closed for a moment, before he looked straight into Connor’s eyes.

Jude’s eyes squinted in a modest manner, his mouth drawing up on the left side into a wide smile.

“I know,” Jude said in a hoarse, damaged tone. “I know.”


	4. Our Loss (venting, discussion)

First, I must apologize for not having updated Every You, Every Me for a long time now. 

Life got in the way. 

When the new season began back in January, I was hoping to get some motivation from the storyline, but it only made me cautious about the direction of the writing, and the fandom.

There are a lot of fans who have a deep connection to the Jonnor storyline for a multitude of reasons.

Mine comes from a place of long-past pain.

Over 20 years ago, when I was the age of Jude and Connor, I had a secret boyfriend.

The world was a much different place for young gay people in the late '80s / early '90s. Partially because of the societal stigma, we never made a very deep intellectual connection between ourselves. It was mainly just teenage lust and curiosity.

I regret never being able to connect our friendship to a deeper spot within our souls. Our bond was cut short.

This friend of mine unexpectedly passed away that same year.

I believe the Jonnor storyline profoundly affects those of us who were never able to experience our first crush in a safe, open manner.

We've seen first crushes, first loves and other rites of passage on the screen in a heteronormative manner for decades, but now, we're able to view what many of us experienced - at least to a certain level - for the first time through the eyes of someone else.

**It brings legitimacy to the feelings we experienced at that age.**

In the past, young gay people felt as though their feelings were to be discarded and not shared with those around them.

Jude and Connor was a catharsis of sorts. It helped me rub out a few black holes from the firmament of my past - to let me see the other shining stars that made up the natural yearnings of my youth.

I'm not connected with the Jonnor fandom on Tumblr, but I'd truly appreciate it if someone could post this for Gavin, the writers and the fandom to read on my behalf. I think it's fair that they know how much their contributions have been able to mend the spirit of a generation.

Thank you, and I do expect to continue Every You, Every me at some point in the near future.

\-------

P.S. The name of my friend who died was David. The same name of the young gay character in my story.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all. This is my first attempt at a fan fiction. Would love to get input on this. I'm hoping this will be a bit different from some of the Jude/Connor pairings you've seen before.


End file.
